Facing the world

Every time I try to write something my mind goes blank. I have thoughts though. Mostly, weird ones and dumb ones. I haven't been feeling anxious lately. That is pretty good. I have been feeling zen, way too zen towards things I used to freak out about. Future! I just feel like 'whatever will be, will be' and, although this sounds and makes me feel good I can help but wonder..wait, you have to do things too, in order to not panic later on or not achieve what you want. Trouble is I don't want to achieve anything and that makes me a dull person. All I want to do is sing and collect plants and, sew. I can't fully trust my zen state. I am sure it will pass and I'll become anxious about stupid things again. I think when you get older you realize that being worried and stressed out about your future or all your insecurities, is useless and immature. But, I do not think that's the point. I think what happens is one gets worn out and, become to accept the fact that one has to face things, sooner or later, good or bad..happy or sad. You slightly mold yourself into the system. I am used to being anxious; just wanted to document my zen period, cause well that's rare. Today I am wearing a dress my grandmother gave to me. On the day she gave me the dress, she was also giving us all little things she had, her belongings; she called my uncle and said - I want to give you something precious that belonged to your father and he'd love for you to use it too. She handed him my grandpa's dentures.

16 comments:

  1. Oh I totally get what you mean by saying you go blank when trying to write. Recently I have experieced the same, which is frustrating really. Because I have so much to share, but somehow it doesnt want to get out of my head. Lovely photographs!

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    1. Thank you. Yeah, sorry to hear it happens to you too. x

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  2. i love the way you write so much and really enjoy your blog. this was a beautifully written post and i agreed so much with it. i think we naturally go through rythms of feeling really ansxious and stressed about things to wondering why we ever worried about them in the first place and back again. i alos loved the anecdote about your grandmother.

    rae from lovefromberlin

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  3. Ah, you speak my soul. Whatever that means. What I'm saying is I relate. I realize you're supposed to work toward things and have goals and all of that. But my ultimate goal is to not have to do that. To somehow be able to live a simple, quiet life. What is that so much to ask?

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    1. It is not too much to ask. In fact, it is but, it isn't supposed to. That's what upsets me. xx

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  4. acho que também estou em um momento de encarar a realidade.Ah! e achei engraçado a historia da sua avó.

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  5. gosh, it's all so lovely-- those colors! you're quite an inspiration, lady.

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  6. eu entro em pânico se penso no futuro; fazer planos chega a ser assustador. essa ansiedade que mencionas é bastante inevitável quando nos preocupamos por antecipação...

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  7. I definitely feel the same anxiety/ anger about writing personal stuff online. Whenever I write in private my words come out smooth as water but when its all public, I feel like I'm crapping bricks and sticks. What you said about living a simpler life also resonates here. I think living simply in today's society has something to do with the psychological difficulty of letting certain things go but that's just my opinion.

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  8. I would kiss a smile if I saw it xxox

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