I don't have any cravings besides for sleeping. Depression? I hope that is not the case. I don't even enjoy doing the things I used to enjoy like taking pictures. I've become so negative that when I think of photographing I automatically predict that the picture wont look good so why bother taking it. I also don't find so nice to write a lot about myself or my insane thoughts here. I just feel that I need to get my mind empty, remove words out of it (as if it is possible). I've decided to do some changes in my life and the first one will be reducing the amount of sugar I eat, it doesnt really have much to do with my mental problems , but it sounds like a challenging mature thing to do. I ate chocolate cake today, tasted good. Then I had a latte with two tea spoons of sugar , tomorrow I will make it one. Now I should go to sleep because going to bed earlier is another challenge, well its 02:14am but still, I am in the dark and after being in the dark for a while I start seeing things, I fear, fear of things that are not even here, but when my cat stares at those things I feel a bit scared...what a baby.

Basic Thursday

bag from tiger, top topshop, jeans primark.

It feels even a little weird to post 'outfit' images. I couln't even recall when was the last time before this' that I actually took my camera out. As I said I have been feeling a bit uninspired even to carry my camera, its heavy and I haven't been enjoying it much. But hopefully things are looking up. This is what I wore last week. Skinny jeans from h&m which fits so good. The polka dot top is from Sugar Lips Apparel which is very comfortable to wear, shoes and poncho from Primark. But the weather is still not so good.

Hi 'readers' I wanted to write here that I am alive and very uninspired to post things here, yes its another uninspired phase. I must suck as a blogger. I have been just going to uni and staring at my white wall that I've just recently stuck some photographs on it. The thing is, I don't really know what the thing is. I'm just lacking something,sparkle. I having been painting though and writing on my journals and diaries and sketchbooks and I am a mess and perfectionist. I buy all of these wicked agendas and skechbooks aimed to fill them with great work. But from the second I write on its page I immediately dislike the content I have written,also the handwriting itself and I feel like starting over on a different page, different journal and its never good enough and I tell myself..Stef you are neurotic. So I have all of these unfinished work and no place to stock these journals hah I must be really pathetic. Anyway I've shot some outfit images I'll be posting tomorrow. Today I will just watch a film, at least it will stop me from thinking too much.

Today I was talking to this guy and he kept looking deep into my eyes and talking all excited, at the beginning of the talk I was really paying attention but I have this problem, that when the person talk too much and I have only the option to listen, smile and emit sounds like ohh, huh, hmm then I start to get a bit embarrased and all of the sudden I find myself not paying attention to anything he is saying but analysing and thinking that if I look too much into his eyes it will be odd, but in the other hand if I look somewhere else I will be rude and it will be as if I am not interested in what he is saying..which maybe can be the reason I got distracted in the first place. Gosh enoughh hh its so cold now. I hate when the weather is a bit warm and theres sunshine and you think oh summer is coming and then the next day is foggy and cold its like 'the weather' is saying..summer? haha not yet you fool that was just a 'free sample'.

Misery (1990) Director: Rob Reiner - I have never really finished reading this book and I do not know why once I was actually enjoying it. Unfortunately I've lost the book now. However I've watched the film and I really liked it. Many people say that books tend to be better than movies but I personaly think that the film 'Misery' is better than the book. I can't really assure my point of view once I haven't read the entire book, but based on the pages I've read I can tell.. I like the film best. I love Kathy Bates, and her wonderful acting. I actually know someone with similar personality, obviously this person isn't an total psycho like Annie Wilkes but the mood disorder and behaviour reminded me of an ex friend aha. I might watch some more films..until I get sleepy and die. I mean sleep.

portraits summary

A recap of few photographs I took during 2009/2010/2011. Now I am aimed to start working on a new series for this year of 2012. I happily got myself a beautiful new film camera and rolls of film. All I need now is start working. I feel very enthusiastic to photograph, which is great as I have been so discouraged about everything a few weeks ago. Therefore I can't wait to start registering 2012.